A Ramble

 On the eve of my birthday I suppose I shall ramble for a bit.

I'm currently drinking a mug of coffee on our back patio.  I do this almost every morning, rain or shine.  From my vantage point I can see the cows milling about in the field below our yard and the Friday morning traffic driving on the highway.  I can see my large, albeit failed, corn patch (WORST corn ever!) and our fruit trees, still loaded with ripened fruit.  There's my garden and my flowers and an assortment of pretty rocks that we have both brought to this house.  I can hear the washer humming along inside and the birdsong this morning is the usual cacophony of noise.  There's no breeze and it's just chilly enough to warrant a robe and slippers out here.  The day ahead holds the promise of excitement and fun with my dearest girlfriend; massages, a little shopping, a little day drinking.  And later tonight holds the promise of a weekend filled with hunting, cheesecake, and family.  Amongst other things.

Do you know what's missing?  

What's missing is agitation and distress.  There is not conflict hiding in the wings anymore.  There are no people who I must avoid.  No, what I feel is a deep peace and contentment this morning.

And man, that is a relatively foreign feeling for me!

This past year has brought lots of changes into my life.  Actually into all of our lives.  Sometimes it's uncomfortable and hard.  Kinda like gardening.  You get dirty and it's physically hard and the weeding seems to never end.  But in the end, you get to harvest.  I believe that gardening of any kind keeps a person honest.  There's always something to humble you (like corn!) and there's always a lesson to be learned from the garden itself.  And, you're often at the mercy of things beyond your control.  You just have to stay committed and put in the work.

I really, really love this life we are making.  I love this house and how we are making it ours together.  I am thankful for the influence that Jake has on us.  His wisdom and insight amaze me daily.  Wickedly smart, that guy!  Watching my kids grow and become their own people is the most rewarding feeling (frustrating too!) as well.    

I used to dread getting older.  I also used to dread change.  Probably because I wanted to stay in a place that was familiar to me, even if it was painfully so.  Having to relearn things or restructure or replace was an exhausting, daunting idea for me.

Now I look ahead and am not afraid.  I'm rather excited at the prospect of going down my path now.