On Being Scared.

I'm not afraid of very many things.  I'm not afraid of making a fool of myself in public (just ask my friends) and I'm not afraid of physical pain (I've had a goodly amount of children).  Death does not scare me.  I am not afraid of clowns, spiders, or the dark either.  Airplanes and boats do not make me afraid but they do make me sick.

But tonight, tonight I feel scared.

I don't like the idea of being by myself in this storm.  Not just this storm, but any storm really.  Where I used to love falling asleep to the sound of the wind and the rain through an open window, now it just makes me scared.  What if a tree falls on my roof?  What if my roof leaks?  What if the power goes out and I can't start the generator?  What if the pump quits working and I have no water?  What if the road gets blocked and one of my kids gets hurt and I can't get through?

I guess when I hear that a storm is coming I get scared because I feel the burden of responsibility pressing down heavily on my shoulders.  My shoulders alone.  No one else can help to carry this responsibility.  It is mine alone.

And that scares me.