A & W

 I went to A&W for dinner tonight.  I drove through the familiar drive-thru and picked up dinner for Jake and me since it was just the two of us at home this evening.  Sitting in that familiar parking lot waiting for my food, I was struck with the longevity of the relationship I had with A&W throughout my life.  My. Entire. Life.  

My grandparents lived almost across the street from A&W.  Their house is no longer standing and the property no longer resembles the park-like fairyland I remember loving to explore.  The daffodils still bloom there in the spring.  I always find a day to sneak past the barrier fence that now surrounds the property and pick every single one of those flowers.  I still think of them as "mine."  A&W was always a part of visits to my grandparent's house.  If we spent a summer morning picking raspberries, it was assured that we would run past the fish pond, traverse the path that ended by the railroad tracks, and then cross the street to the A&W to pick up a quart of soft serve.  Soft serve and fresh raspberries are a delicious memory from my childhood.   Sigh.  Sometimes we would head over to the restaurant on Friday nights because the shrimp basket would be the daily special.  And the glass gallon jugs of rootbeer were the perfect addition to homemade ice cream, ala rootbeer floats.  Later, when my Grandma deemed me old enough, I was allowed to walk to A&W with an older cousin (by ourselves!) to get an ice cream cone.  It's lovely to remember those times.

I remember, also, the real fireplace that once stood in the center of the restaurant.  It always seemed so cozy inside when it was burning.

My first job offer was at A&W.  When the Dark family owned the restaurant I recall John Dark offering me a job once I turned 13 (I was about 9 years old at the time).  I was absolutely smitten with the idea of working there and I was probably also smitten with the attention of Mr. Dark!  For years, in the back of my mind, I figured I could buy all the things I could possibly ever want with the promise of a paycheck from that job.  (I never did work there!)

Let's not forget about Dwight.  Dwight was a stuffed Rootbeer Bear from the A&W that my childhood friend, Mimi, loved above all other toys.  Dwight came to all the slumber parties with us, accompanied us to a teddy bear tea party, and was always where Mimi was.  Dwight was another part of A&W that permeated my life.  Dwight, if you're reading this, I miss you.

Remember going to the A&W after high school games?  I remember sitting in a booth with so many friends, sharing smothered fries and floats. There might be a fight in the parking lot to watch in awe-filled silence.  There might be the boy you liked sitting in the booth behind you.  There would be gossipy conversations, sidelong glances at your crush, and so much laughing.  A&W after a game was often the start of a night to remember!  IF you could get someone to answer the phone and take your order!

Once I grew up and had my own kids, the A&W was one of the first restaurants they visited.  By now the fireplace in the middle was gone and the interior had been remodeled.   It was no longer necessary to go outside to use the bathroom!  And there was the addition of a playground.  My kids were raised on rootbeer floats, cheese curds, and Baby Burgers.  

Do you remember the abandoned mini golf course in the overgrown lot behind A&W?  It was the stuff of classic horror movies!  I was probably 10 years old when my older brothers led me through the maze of dilapidated putt-putt holes, disappointed that we never had the chance to play a round.  Today there are apartments in that space.  Always makes me kinda sad.

I can only hope that this iconic restaurant stays around for the remainder of my life.  Maybe that's where someone can sprinkle a few of my ashes someday.

The Good, and Especially the Bad.

 It's easy to be happy and love life when things are good.  Everyone is healthy.  There is nothing lacking or missing.  There are no impending disasters.  Drama is kept at bay.  Life is full of fun and excitement.

Status Quo.

But that sort of existence can be the norm for only so long.

So what happens when a catastrophe, big or small, smacks you right in the face?  Can you still be happy?  Can you still keep going?

Freaking heck yeah you can!  

In fact, adversity is the very thing that strengthens our own self as well as our relationships with other people.  Shared hardships forge layers of depth in any relationship and that depth is what creates strength.  Think of a tree with deep roots.  That tree, with those deep roots, will remain standing despite wind and snow, and drought.  Withstand.  Overcome.  Remain.    

Now I'm not saying that we must suffer, often and intensely, as the only way to grow deeper.  That sounds like a terrible way to live!   What I mean is that we need to keep those adversities in perspective and allow them to expand us.  And then dig deep and stay the course.  

And in between the rough days?  That's when you appreciate and delight in the good.  That's when you are able to be grateful and draw from that well-created depth and revel in the profound happiness that is yours. Shared good things also grow us and create depth.

The contentedness of simple things will feel so good.   

Like Melville says in Moby Dick, you cannot fully appreciate anything without a contrasting feeling to compare it to.  You cannot appreciate good without accepting and embracing bad.  

I guess I'm old enough to have learned and understand this principle.  At least I try to most days!  I will take the bad, and I will let it add another layer of depth and wisdom to me, and then I will love the good with a freeness that makes it all worthwhile.

Be like a tree.  Sorta.

We're All a Train Wreck!

 I have to admit something.  Something that I'm a little ashamed to admit actually.  

I have selfishly thought that the traumatic and devastating events in my life are worse than other people's misfortunes.  

There.  I said it.  I have kept score and ranked my adversity above others.  

I'm not sure what got me thinking about this while running today.  I do love how a nice hard run offers clarity to the nonstop narrative in my mind.  It occurred to me that my trials were not necessarily more difficult than others but just disparate.  

And why was I keeping an unofficial score?!  What an ass!

I think we are all unfortunate recipients of bad stuff at some point in life.  Disease.  Death.  Financial disaster.  Deceit.  Lies.  Heartache.  Confusion.  Fear.  Abandonment.  Loss.  The list is nearly unending.

No one is immune to this stuff.  

So, if we are all suffering from some unavoidable and agonizing situations, then aren't we all part of the same train wreck?  And if we're all a train wreck then aren't we all "Even Steven" in the equation of existence?

Let me say, so as no one thinks I've been cold-hearted and uncaring, that I have felt so much empathy to those around me who I see suffer.  Your heart hurts, my heart hurts.  But I have also learned that it is necessary for me to separate myself from their pain in order to not get sucked into the abyss of despair.  

Sound a little dramatic?  Maybe.  But I've been in that abyss before, for far too long, and it is not a fun place.  

I'm a fixer.  I want to fix all that is wrong.  #41-50 of my "50 Things I Have Learned in Life" should be the same lesson, repeated 10 times:  I cannot fix things. 

Life is rough sometimes and it cannot be fixed.   You know what I can do though?  I can remember that we're all going to be part of the train wreck at some point in time and we all just need a little bit of love and grace to get us through when it's our turn. 

Choo-choo, my friends.

Part IV

 31.  Know when to remove yourself from your life.  Sometimes you need a break from everything and just need to regroup alone.

32.  Admit when you make a mistake.  

33.  Don't apologize for someone else's perception of wrongdoing.  

34.  You are ultimately only responsible for yourself.  You cannot change how other people respond or how they think.   

35.  Eat well, sleep enough, and do some sort of physical work.  Do these three things most of the time.  That's healthy living.

36.  Say what you mean.  I am always amazed at how honest and direct communication can make life so much easier.

37.  Check the oil.  Rotate the tires.  Keep the interior (fairly) clean and tidy.  

38.  You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.  This applies to everything!  I also like to say, "If it looks like shit and smells like shit, it is, without a doubt, shit."  

39.  Wash your sheets weekly.  There's nothing like getting into a clean bed at night.

40.  Don't let the dishes pile up.  Or the laundry.  Do a little housework every single day and it will not get too overwhelming.  

Part III

 21.  Scrub all the floors at least twice each year.  And I mean really scrub them, with a new brush and down on your hands and knees.  

22.  Never go more than 3 days without doing some sort of exercise.  Working out has given me the necessary expenditure of energy that subsequently keeps my emotions in check.  I believe that the thousands of miles I have run through the years have probably saved a few lives. 

23.  You.  Must.  Laugh.  Often and a lot.  

24.  Realize that nothing in life is linear.  Expect this truth.

25.  Buy quality haircare products.  From your stylist.  At a salon.  Throw the bottles of Pantene out the window!

26.  Read or at least listen to books often.  Mix it up with both fiction and nonfiction varieties.  I am always surprised at the rabbit holes I end up going down as the result of reading an excellent book.  And I am also amazed at how my interest is piqued by subjects I never even knew I was interested in!

27.  Cheap beer.  Expensive whiskey.  And red Powerade if there's too much of either.

28.  Don't settle.  Don't tolerate.  Don't allow disrespect.  Walk the f*& away and don't look back.

29.  Find things that you love the scent of and use them often.  I love the smell of French NUXE products for my shower,  Mrs. Meyer's cleaners when I clean house, and Tide laundry soap for laundry.  Palo santo incense, lemon candles, and sandalwood essential oil make things smell great anywhere else.  

30.  Have traditions and rituals, seasonally and daily.  I always listen to the same Christmas music when wrapping Christmas presents.  I have used the same Halloween cookie cutters for ginger cookies when October hits.  I drink a glass of water every morning before I do anything else.  I always make chocolate truffles for Valentine's Day.  You get the idea.  Those little traditions are the cornerstones of life.

Next Installment...

 11.  People will always let you down.  That's the problem with having expectations.  Just be sure to not let yourself down.  

12.  Simple is almost always the best way.  With communication, with clothing, with the food you eat, with your lifestyle, with just about everything.  

13. Don't trust girls with high-maintenance fingernails.  I've said this before and I will always stick by that.

14.  Try not to let another person's actions (or words or behavior) affect your life to the degree that you give up your control.

15.  Always stop and buy lemonade from a kid's lemonade stand.

16.  Take care of your teeth.

17.  Know your worth.  Sure, there are going to be times that you feel unsure about your value.  That's just life.  But deep down in your gut, know your worth and don't let anyone or anything make you forget it.

18.  Sometimes you need to take a chance and just jump right in.

19.  Most rules have an exception or can be broken.  Actually, most rules should be broken at some point.  Just don't break the law or hurt anyone in the doing.

20.  Butter never margarine.  Real whipped cream not CoolWhip.  Whole milk not skimmed.  Fresh eggs never store bought.  Scratch baked goods not boxed.  (Except Hamburger Helper Potatoes Stroganoff on occasion--embarassingly real confession)

It's That Time of Year Again.

 The birthday is coming up swiftly again.  Yeeks.

I like to get all introspective around my birthday.  I think it's to be certain that I'm not stagnating and am still learning stuff despite the whole getting older thing.  You're never too old to learn something new or change a previous mindset.  

What have I learned this year?  Oh my.  That list could be long.  Hey, maybe what I should do is make a list of 51 things I have learned this year.  Well, maybe not things I've learned from only this year but maybe 51 things I've learned in my 51 years.  Hmmmm.  Might take a few episodes.

1.  My mind is a whirling dervish of *oftentimes* untrue thoughts. Seriously, my mind can make up all kinds of crazy stuff.  I am learning to tell that absurdly implausible bitch to pipe down!

2.  There is a fine line between selfishness and self-awareness.  One is appalling and one is rather admirable.  I am always trying to ensure that I'm walking on the correct side of that line.

3.  Too much cardio just hurts my knees.

4.  My value is not tied up in what I can accomplish or how much I can juggle.  (See #2)

5.  I can be peculiar and say peculiar things and think peculiar thoughts and still be just fine.  As long as I understand what I'm doing, well, I think I'm good.

6.  Trust is more valued than kindness sometimes.  Kindness can be a sham but trust, honest to goodness trust, is real.

7.  I'm sorry but I just have to say it:  fake eyelashes scare me to death.

8.  I will always, always plant too many green beans.

9.  Instacart.  My savior.  Seriously, you've got to try Instacart.  The amount of time and money (no more impulse buys!) it saves me far outweighs the cost of the service fees, tips, and delivery fees.

10.  There is very little in life that a good night's sleep can't fix.  Might just be my perspective that gets fixed but that alone is often enough.