7

 Seven years ago tonight my life stopped being my life.  Well, at least the life that I had been living and the one that I was familiar with.  I don't want to think about that night very much, or the days that followed.  I don't much like to think about the years that followed either.  At least not the first few years.

 There was so much fear.  And bewilderment.  Confusion.  More fear.  Overwhelming sadness that bordered on despair.  Eventually, there was resignation.  Maybe a little desperation.  And guilt.  The guilt was a surprise to me. How come I couldn't fix this, for both myself and my kids?  

Silver linings?  Yeah, there were a few of those too.  I found my independence.  I found strength that I didn't know I possessed.  I started to find authenticity.  

There was so much we lost.  But in the losing, there was so much we learned and gained.  

Life is unfair.  To all of us really, but just in different ways.  We all get our dose of pain.  Every.  Single.  Person.  No one escapes this truth.

I suppose it's what we do with that pain that ultimately matters.  

 

This quote has always resonated with me, both literally and figuratively.  I have tried so hard to keep true to this idea, oftentimes falling so very short of the mark, but trying just the same.  

Imperfection and failure have been my close friends through the years.  I know them well and am not bothered by their insistent presence any longer.  We have a good relationship now.

Seven years is a long time.  Part of who I am exists because of the before.  Part of who I am is a result of the after.  And part of who I am is, thankfully, because of the present.  I will forever be thankful for all of it.  None shall be forgotten.

Not ever.