Today would've been my 30th anniversary. 

30 years.  That's almost unbelievable.  I still remember that day pretty well.  When I think about it though it's like remembering a movie that I've watched somewhere in the past.  It seems like I'm observing this memory, not having actually participated in it.  Weird.

Thinking back on that day and imagining what I thought my life would look like in 30 years, well, I don't think that I could have imagined the plot twists that have since been revealed to me.  Both the good and the bad ones.  You know what they say about best laid plans....

I always knew that I'd get married.  But I didn't know that I would become a widow at 43.  

I always knew that I wanted to stay at home and have a farm and do farm things.  But I didn't know that I would have to get a job and work whilst still trying to create that reality.  

I always knew I'd have kids but lately I can't fathom that they are no longer small children.  So much of my adult life has been spent as a mother so this lapse in identity is startling.  Not completely unexpected, but unfamiliar just the same.

I never knew that people would come and go in my life.  Surprisingly in both good and bad ways.  

I never knew that I would be happy again.  I did not know that my life could change so dramatically but still be perfectly wonderful.  

Maybe this is the lesson (or one of the lessons!) I'm supposed to grasp in life:  Never think or assume that things will turn out the way you expect them to.  And then be open to the shifting truth of  just living and be so grateful for all of it.

After 30 years, I think it's starting to click!