I went for a run tonight. First time in almost 5 weeks. I'm sure I've written about running here before so going for a run isn't a new or particularly exciting topic. But it's been a rocky few weeks leading up to this evening's run.
Back story: I've always run. So the idea of running in the annual Hood to Coast relay was not a stretch for me. In fact, it was something I'd wanted to do since I was about 20. But then I was pregnant or nursing for about 15 years and I moved out of state for a while, and well, it just never happened. Last fall, however, I signed up with a group of friends and started training. Nice and steady miles, increasing over the course of many months. I was ready. I was golden. Yeah, but then one week before the race I ended up with a wicked case of bronchitis that morphed into pneumonia and the accompaniments of such disease. I was a coughing, feverish, wheezing mess. I had to tap out of the race only two days before the start. Two rounds of antibiotics, several refilled prescriptions of Teslon pearls, inhaled steroids, regular steroids, and God knows what else medicine, and I'm finally on the mend.
And so tonight I ran.
This ended up more than a physical run though. I cried as I ran. I think the whole thing was representative of something else. I think, actually I'm sure, that this run was what I needed to put necessary distance between one life and a new life. Oh, I know what you're thinking now after reading that. It might just seem that I'm trying to outrun reality. No such chance of that, I'm afraid. Reality and I are well acquainted. Reality meets me everyday when I get up for work. Or when I run kids hither and yon. Or when I pay the bills. Or when I risk stagnant security for happiness. Yes, reality and I know each other well.
This was a strange summer for me. Probably the strangest, most amazing, most enlightening, most magical (and I don't use that word flippantly either) season that I've ever experienced. Really. It was painful and raw and sweet and hilarious all at the same time. I came face to face with many things that I needed to get resolved. Things that needed to be let go of. Things that needed to be recognized. Things that needed to be fixed. It was almost as if I could stand back and look at my life from another person's perspective and see things more clearly than I think I ever had. It was a scary and cathartic experience, for sure. I wouldn't change one minute of it either.
Now I see which direction I'm running, and that direction is towards the future. Away from what's in the past. I will undoubtedly trip or get lost or even hurt myself while I run. But I've trained smart and I'll just keep on heading in that direction. Nothing is chasing me so I don't have to run hard or fast to get away. I just need to keep my feet moving forward and looking at what's in front of me. And I love the view.
